Teen abstinence contracts carry heavy baggage

Are you ready to promise to remain a virgin until marriage?

This is the question that thousands of teenagers must answer as they decide whether to sign a "purity pledge."

Purity pledges (or virginity pledges) are contracts signed by teenagers in front of their faith community and their families, in which they pledge to remain virgins until they are married.

A study recently released by the Rand Corp. suggests that these purity contracts are actually quite effective. Their findings indicate that teenagers who signed a purity contract were 21 percent less likely to engage in sex than teenagers who did not sign the contract. (The study followed the teenagers three years after the pledge).

Does this mean that parents should rely on purity pledges to protect their children from poor sexual decisions? I think not. The old proverb tells us that it takes a village to raise a child, but when an entire faith community, along with religious figures and family members, are involved in a child's first sexual decisions, the pressure can be overwhelming.

This is not to say that parents and faith leaders should not guide and instruct their teenagers in making safe sexual decisions (the safest being abstinence, both from a physical and emotional standpoint), but turning these personal sexual decisions into public property of discussion and judgment can be quite intimidating.

And since many of the teenagers who sign purity pledges will eventually break their agreements before marriage, the reality of failure and disappointment is inescapable. Thus, what might be viewed as a bad judgment call by teenagers who have not made the purity pledge becomes viewed as a monumental, life-altering failure by teenagers who feel they have let not just their God down, but also their whole community.

There has to be a better way to encourage teenagers to practice abstinence, and this might be a blending of abstinence teachings and safer sex education. Rather than putting a teenager on the spot and asking him "sign over" his sexuality for the next 10-plus years, church leaders could offer safe places for discussion and sex education, drawing from holy texts and other points of inspiration. In addition to these discussions, parents can maintain communication with their child by staying involved. Educators can play a part by offering curriculums that discuss safer sex methods, along with the realities of sexually transmitted diseases and teenage pregnancy.

It is not enough to hand our teenagers a contract and ask them to sign away their sexuality until marriage. Sexual feelings and sexual identity are a natural and healthy part of life, and we need to offer teenagers guidance and support when grappling with their first sexual decisions.

Abstinence-based education can be offered as the first option, but it should not be offered as the only option.

See Dr. Berman at 6:45 a.m. Fridays on WMAQ-Channel 5 and listen to her at 7:30 a.m. Fridays on WBBM-FM (96.3).